As we were driving recently listening to a slew of commercials on the radio, my daughter made a “huff” sound and then blurted out, “I don’t get why these jewelry commercials only talk about buying gifts for your woman…I know some of my friends who would be especially mad about that!”
No matter how you identify yourself, we have lived in a culture where certain roles have often been defined for you. When we get into a parenting relationship, these roles can become more or less magnified.
From the mundane daily tasks or washing dishes, housework, cleaning, laundry and making meals to the sometimes more “unspoken roles.”
Some of these can include “the organizer of details,” “the plan maker,” “the house fixer,” “the stricter one,” “the softie,” “the fun one,” etc…
Most parents haven’t ever stopped to think about their roles. They are just living them. Oftentimes on “autopilot.”
The roles taken on as a parent are usually very familiar. We jump right in and have a certain level of comfort. “It’s what our mothers did or how our fathers did it.” We may identify what we want to do like one or the other parent and it feels like we have created anew.
Sensitive children commonly react to those unspoken elements in your parenting relationship if there are tweaks that can be made (and who doesn’t have tweaks?!!)
The “helper” parent who is too giving/enabling that the child feels like they can’t do things themselves (or they get insecure and freeze about trying things)….and the parent complains that their child is lazy or scared to try new things.
The “sacrificer” parent who gives so much yet also is resentful and annoyed about the things they aren’t tending to in their own life. The child may have anger outbursts and sometimes, seemingly “out of nowhere.”
The “commander” parent who is parenting from what they may have learned that they are the parent and the child obeys what they think and “command” them to do. Parent gets upset when child doesn’t do it or rebels against it; child feels anxious to be sure not to upset the parent and/or learns to deny their own needs for someone elses’ needs.
These are just a few examples that can help highlight some of the scenarios that could be happening in your home.
One of my recent posts speaks about choosing to love yourself as a parent.
As parents, you want what is best for your child and do your best to make that happen. These “energies” happen in the background and have their own language.
When working with parents of sensitive kids, these roles can “come out of the closet” with love and respect and inclusivity of all. It’s another way to demonstrate LOVE.
There is not one way. There is your unique family’s way, however YOU choose to identify that and regardless of physical gender.
I’m here if you feel ready to vulnerably clear away some cobwebs and see more neutrally what may be happening with your family dynamic.
The suffering, unrest, frustration, not knowing what to do….Is. The. Way. Through.
I have a couple of spots left for my “Virtual Mini Retreat Special.” In a nutshell, you receive 2 hours over 2 calls to work with 1 tweak. To see more details, click here. To get started and schedule, click here.
I’m also booking talks for 2020 and would love to come to you! Gather a group of fellow parents, ask about my coming to your child’s school, or your business with other parents who work with you!
I have two signature talks that might be a great fit:
“Parenting Struggling (but Gifted!) Children: 4 Ways to Bring Peace in the Home When You Have Tried Everything.” It’s for Holistic Minded, Engaged Parents, like you!
“Reducing Your Child’s Screen Use in the Digital Age: How to Create Connection and Avoid Screen Addiction.” A Workshop/Playshop for Parents and their Children.