I’m grateful for your responses to my request for your feedback post here.
Please know, all of your challenges are very common and my hope is that by addressing them here, you can receive some support salve.
Today’s topic comes from a mama to one special and sensitive boy.
She asks about navigating when one parent seems okay with the status quo, parenting the way they were parented even when they KNOW there’s a better way.
True change and motivation is ultimately an Inside Job.
However, most of us have been parented and unintentionally taught to be externally motivated. Things like…
- To please a parent, teacher, coach and/or friend.
- Since it is what is/was expected
- It is conditional (or learned conditional, e.g. If you eat this, you can have dessert).
For fear of losing, getting in “trouble,” someone will be upset, we will disappoint, etc…
Why do I mention all of these things? Well, as parents, we were kids too and were raised with our own set of “rules” as the child of our own upbringing.
For this mom’s question, her partner KNOWS there is a better way, many don’t see it that way.
Here’s my first suggestion…
Instead of focusing on how different you and your partner’s perspectives are on all the things like: discipline, food choices, phone/technology useage, how to treat illness and more…
CHOOSE ONE TOPIC AT A TIME.
For example, Christine (name changed) who has 2 children and is trying to talk with her partner about parenting in new ways.
They, like many others, struggle with their different parenting styles conflicting on a number of topics.
There’s a lot on the table for her that she’s truly frustrated and feeling hopeless about.
In our work together we decided to start with ONE focus that would have a positive ripple effect in multiple areas of their home life. IE establishing rules around technology and phone usage in their home.
Her partner’s view of device use and kids: he “doesn’t see the big deal.”
So we began by narrowing down and choosing WHICH topic to begin with; In this case, technology use in the home.
Taking bite-sized steps still creates BIG changes and offers positive results, and it just works better.
So what’s ONE topic, of ALL THE TOPICS, you could start with?
Since this also opens up other questions, it is really helpful to have an impartial guide to show you the way and help you have peaceful conversations.
Do the parents agree or “come from the same place?” in their parenting as a whole. Still nope.
However, they do feel more at ease by finding new ways to have these harder conversations and gain clarity for new ways forward.
Getting support while they do it has made this easier for them to not get caught in the common traps of seeing the problem without a solution.
We will continue this next time with more. So keep sharing your ideas of where you are challenged.
Would you like to focus exclusively on changing the connection points and the relationship with technology or another key touchpoint in your home? I have a special, short-term, high-focused coaching program to help you with this. Reach out and let’s see if this is a fit for you.
Let’s do this together!
PS – Do you have a Parent Night at your school? I have two signature talks that might be perfect for your group:
“Parenting Struggling (but Gifted!) Children: 4 Ways to Bring Peace in the Home When You Have Tried Everything. It’s for Holistic Minded, Engaged Parents, like you!
“Reducing Your Child’s Screen Use in the Digital Age: How to Create Connection and Avoid Screen Addiction”; A Workshop/Playshop for Parents and their Children
Click here to see upcoming talks or reach out to talk about scheduling an event.